innerslytherin

Saturday

steph.cain@gmail.com — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:38:49 GMT

Had a good day today. Mom and I drove up to Jasper-Pulaski Fish and Wildlife Area to see the sandhill cranes. At the height of fall migration (which is October) there are something like 30,000 sandhills there. Today there couldn't have been that many, but I'm guessing there were a few thousand. It was incredible how many of them there were, and how wonderfully noisy and gorgeous and awkward yet beautiful they were.

On the way home we stopped quickly at JC Penney, where I bought a pair of brown dress boots (I had JUST BARELY given up on the brown dress boots I've been wearing for at least 5 years), a black wool men's peacoat (because the women's didn't have inside pockets WTF?!), and a pair of Levi's (men's, because those also fit me better) for like $170 total. I'm incredibly happy that Black Friday sales now extend to Saturday. LOL I also got a couple of new nail polish colors because Sally Beauty is right next to Michael's, where Mom and I also stopped.

Of course, I have only gotten about 400 words written so far. You guys, I might not make NaNo this year. *sigh*

FIC: About Last Friday, Hotch/Reid & Rossi/Prentiss, PG

steph.cain@gmail.com — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 15:36:51 GMT

Title: About Last Friday
Pairings: Hotch/Reid, Rossi/Prentiss
Rating: PG
WC: 1759
Summary: After Foyet.
Notes: Thanks to resolucidity for a quick beta. SPOILERS for "100".

Series: This is part of a series of Season Five episode tags I've been writing.
1. Not So Alone
2. Weeping Endures for a Night
3. The Blink of an Eye
4. Trust and Regret
5. Something Pretty Wonderful
6. Hope and Bourbon
7. Shaking Things Up
8. Cementing
9. Life Goes On
10. Reeling

Silence was frightening.

On the first night after he killed Foyet, Aaron let Jack sleep with him. He turned the radio on and wondered what was going through his little boy's mind. He didn't sleep, but he kept rousing from a sort of fugue state and realizing he had been remembering. He didn't want to remember, but he didn't know what else to think about. So he smoothed his fingers down Jack's hair and stared at the ceiling.

He was a monster. He had become, after forty-three years, the one thing he feared most. He had turned into his father.

When Jack woke, crying, and turned to Aaron for comfort, Aaron almost pulled away. What comfort could he give his son? It was his fault Jack's mother was dead. But he'd been unable to deny him, so he wrapped his arms around Jack and hated himself.

***

Dave had never seen Emily cry like this. She'd leaned against him for comfort at first, but when she'd realized that her grief--painful, almost violent--was heightening Dave's tears, she'd pulled away and run to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Dave had wanted to comfort her, but he'd been relieved too.

He'd known Aaron long enough to have seen his friend experience every emotion in a man's life. But he'd never seen Aaron broken and despairing as he had been when the team arrived too late.

Too Goddamned late.

Dave let out a shaky breath and leaned his face in his hand. Aaron was a good man, and Dave was glad that Haley had sounded forgiving at the end. But it should never have taken that. The divorce had been bad enough, but Dave knew Aaron could heal from that. Foyet was horrible, but Dave had believed they would win.

This...he couldn't call a win.

He let out a couple more wracking sobs, then sucked in a breath and held it until he felt light-headed. Emily idolized Aaron, and from what Dave could tell, she had idolized Aaron's family. She hadn't approved of Haley leaving, but she'd at least been kind to her. Whatever Emily was going through, Dave needed to be with her.

He got to the bathroom just in time to hear the ugly wet coughs of his fiancee making herself sick from crying. Dave opened the door and sank to his knees next to her, wrapping his arms around her.

***

On the second night after he killed Foyet, Aaron couldn't make himself get in bed. He sat on the edge next to Jack, who was tucked in tight between two pillows. He stroked his son's hair and back and promised him that Daddy would love him forever. He promised that no matter what, they would always have each other.

In the middle of the night, Jack woke up screaming for mommy. Aaron was sitting in a chair, half a bottle of whiskey in him, and he couldn't make himself go to his son. He sat upright, paralyzed as if he had a spear through his chest, pinning him to the chair.

After several minutes of Jack's cries, JJ came in, tousled and unhappy, from the guest bedroom. She wrapped her arms around Jack and held him, crooning wordless songs.

Aaron buried his face in his hands and somehow managed to keep from throwing up.

***

"They have to investigate," Emily said. Her voice was wooden as she stared out the window of Dave's office to the bullpen. She was good at compartmentalizing, but Dave wasn't sure how much more of this she could manage before she broke into pieces. For that matter, he wasn't sure how much more he could see before he broke.

"Erin Strauss is on our side," he told her. His voice was rough. It had been for two days. He was drinking too much, and for two nights now he'd left the bed once Emily was finally asleep. He'd gone to the back patio and stared at the stars and selfishly begged God to keep Emily safe. He'd thrown in prayers for his best friend, but he knew he was mostly terrified that he might lose this one precious woman who had given him so much joy.

"She's a bitch," Emily said.

"She wants you to think that," Dave said. "And she wants them to think that. If the Assistant Director believes the team doesn't trust her, then he'll also believe that she has no reason to protect the team."

"Since when are you the logical one?" she muttered. "I thought I was better at politics than you."

"You're shit at politics, and you know it," he said. He cleared his throat. "It's one of many things I love about you. You managed to grow up with it and still somehow keep clear. Erin was in on this from the moment Hotch stepped down in favor of Morgan. She knew his plan. She chose to have faith in him--in us. In this team. Erin Strauss' ass is on the line here too. I know she didn't do right by you at first, but even bureaucrats can occasionally be taught."

Emily let out a muffled laugh and shook her head. "You're such a bastard."

"It's why you love me." He sort of wished they hadn't emptied the bottle of Eagle Rare that night they got Aaron semi-drunk and sent him home with Spencer.

"He needs help," she murmured. "We're all trying to be strong for him, but I don't know if any of us are strong enough."

Dave nodded. "Together we are." He was well aware of the irony inherent in him placing all his faith in the team. But old dogs could be taught new tricks sometimes, too. "You need to get Spencer to go to him."

Emily pressed her lips together, but she nodded. As she headed back out to the bullpen, her fingers clasped gently around his for a moment. Then she was gone.

***

Spencer wasn't sure how he'd ended up sitting in the round-table room with Jack. He barely knew Jack, and he'd never been good with children. But Jack was a quiet boy, well-behaved and withdrawn, and Spencer's chest ached when he looked at him.

He knew.

Maybe his mother hadn't been ripped away from him through violence, but the slow, insidious slipping away had taken her from him all the same. He had grown up with an absent father who was nothing like Aaron and a mentally ill mother who was nothing like Haley, but he still knew.

Jack ought to be protected. And Aaron and Haley had done that. They were Jack's parents. Haley had made the ultimate sacrifice for her son.

Spencer couldn't abandon the man he loved in his time of need, but he also couldn't quite bring himself to get as close as he wanted. He couldn't see himself as worthy of that closeness. Not in the face of Haley's death.

So he did what he could.

He asked JJ and Garcia to stay with Aaron and Jack in their temporary home. He stood up to Strauss and exaggerated the power of his memory. He didn't blink once in the face of her questions. He never hesitated in defending Aaron and the choices he had made...and he had never questioned himself. Aaron had done everything right.

"Hey."

He looked up, though Jack kept his gaze on the toy dinosaurs on the table.

Emily came in, gave him a thin-lipped smile, and sat next to him. "How's your knee?"

Spencer just nodded. He and Aaron had been growing more adventurous physically lately, since he graduated to the cane. That was something else he thought should be put on hold. If their relationship wasn't ended entirely by Aaron's loss of his ex-wife.

"You don't have to talk," Emily said. "Just be with him. Don't make him go through this alone."

Two of Jack's dinosaurs were fighting. Spencer's stomach jumped and he wondered how much of the struggle in his home Jack had understood. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

"You are strong enough, Spencer," she said quietly. "I can't imagine what it feels like. I only know how I feel, which is powerless and sad." Her voice quavered slightly, then she regained control. He had always envied Emily her control. "She was his past," Emily said finally. She was breathing hard. "But you are his future."

Spencer couldn't swallow. He looked down at the table. When the cane fell from his hands, Jack looked up. Then little boy steps approached and two small hands were resting on his thigh.

"Why're you sad, Spesser?"

Spencer shook his head and lifted a hand to smooth over Jack's hair.

Emily cleared her throat and leaned in. "Everybody's a little sad right now, Jack," she said quietly. "It's okay to be sad. And it's okay to not be sad sometimes." She reached out a hand to him and Jack patted Spencer's thigh, then went to her.

Spencer shuddered and tried not to let the tears escape.

Emily lifted Jack to her lap and kissed his hair. "Right now is a sad time for Spencer. Can I see your dinosaurs?"

Jack still clutched a bright orange brontosaurus in his right hand. He held it up to Emily's face so quickly he hit her nose. It startled a laugh from Spencer, and then Emily laughed too, though she rubbed her nose when she didn't think Jack would notice.

After a while JJ came in with snacks, and then Dave brought a glass of water in. Garcia and Morgan drifted in a little later, and Spencer realized Aaron must be with Strauss.

When Aaron came in, everyone stood. It felt automatic, a sign of respect. Jack ran to his father, and Aaron's embrace looked desperate. But the team was together, and when Spencer glanced around, he could tell that the team would stay together.

***

On the third night after he killed Foyet, Aaron climbed in bed with his son, putting pillows on Jack's other side and tucking him in tight. In a chair next to the bed, Spencer had a book in his hands, and a glass of water on the nightstand. Spencer licked his lips, cleared his throat, and glanced self-consciously at Aaron. But Aaron's eyes were closed, and Spencer thought maybe he needed this as much as Jack.

So Spencer read.

'Once upon a time, a very long time ago now, about last Friday, Winnie-the-Pooh lived in a forest all by himself under the name of Sanders.'

FIC: About Last Friday, Hotch/Reid & Rossi/Prentiss, PG

steph.cain@gmail.com — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 15:36:47 GMT

FIC: Reeling, Hotch/Reid & Prentiss/Rossi, PG

steph.cain@gmail.com — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 01:25:46 GMT

Title: Reeling
Pairings: Hotch/Reid, Prentiss/Rossi
Rating: PG
WC: 1315
Summary: Hotch and Emily are both shaken up by their encounter with the Fox. Coda to "Out Foxed".
Notes: Betaed by resolucidity. SPOILERS for "Out Foxed".

Series: This is part of a series of Season Five episode tags I've been writing.
1. Not So Alone
2. Weeping Endures for a Night
3. The Blink of an Eye
4. Trust and Regret
5. Something Pretty Wonderful
6. Hope and Bourbon
7. Shaking Things Up
8. Cementing
9. Life Goes On

Spencer didn't know what to say.

He'd always had a tendency to babble out facts when he didn't know what to say. That wouldn't do in this case. For one thing he'd never seen Aaron this furious. For another, he'd never seen Aaron this lost.

So he kept his crutch out of the way while Aaron paced. He listened while Aaron listed off Foyet's profile again and again. He watched for moments that he could brush his hand against Aaron's.

And he didn't say anything.

***

Dave knew what Emily looked like when she was upset, with the shoulders that tightened and the lips that pressed together and the tiny headshakes as she tried to mentally talk herself out of being upset or flipped through boxes in her mind and tried to find one to fit any given issue in. He knew that her strides were just a little shorter, just a little faster, when she was angry. He knew that she would rather take a beating from an unsub than own up to her more vulnerable spots.

But he wasn't quite sure what to do with the silent, withdrawn Emily Prentiss sitting next to him in his car as they drove home. Hell, he didn't even know if she was withdrawn like this because of the case, because of the Fox, because of Foyet, or because of Aaron.

He'd seen Aaron come through the bullpen in what was, for Aaron, a towering rage. He'd seen the way Emily followed him, looking grim and somehow cowed. He'd hoped they hadn't argued, but it hadn't been a real suspicion anyway. Aaron didn't like conflict, and he would never direct anger like that at a subordinate, particularly Emily.

But Aaron hadn't spoken to anyone; he'd just gone into his office and shut the door hard. When Dave glanced in, he could see that Aaron was flipping through a file furiously.

"Foyet," Emily had said quietly. Then she'd turned and walked over to her desk without answering Dave's blurted questions about whether the Reaper had contacted them, what had happened...nothing. She simply began packing up the things she would need over the weekend.

Spencer came crutching back from the coffee area and Emily exchanged a few words with him, then said good night. Dave had stared after her as she walked out, then went over to Spencer.

"What did she say to you?" he'd demanded.

Spencer bit his lip, then said, "Foyet set them up by contacting the Fox. She told me to make sure Aaron doesn't go home alone."

"Fuck," Dave hissed, and barely took the time to nod at Spencer before he ran after Emily. He knew he was probably making a fool of himself, chasing her like that, but he also knew that there was no woman more worthy of making a fool of himself over than Emily Prentiss.

He caught up with her by the elevators, but the hard look she directed at him kept him from speaking. So they rode down the elevators in silence, they walked out to the parking garage in silence, and he counted it a victory that she headed for the Bentley instead of her Prius.

And they spent the entire drive to his house in silence.

***

"I will kill him if he hurts my family," Aaron said quietly.

Spencer didn't doubt it. He just wondered what family Aaron was talking about. He wondered if Aaron even knew. He curled his fingers around Aaron's. Aaron didn't move closer, but he did grip Spencer's hand.

"I wish I knew what to say," Spencer admitted finally.

Aaron sighed and moved just close enough that his leg brushed Spencer's. Spencer leaned forward and let his head rest against Aaron's hip. After a moment, Aaron's fingers found their way to Spencer's hair.

It wasn't much, but it was a start.

***

"What are we doing?" Emily asked finally. They'd gone inside without speaking and Dave had headed straight to the drinks cabinet, then caught himself and poured her a glass of tea from the fridge instead. She'd given up alcohol, though she hadn't weaned herself off caffeine yet.

He was sitting next to her, but at the sound of her voice, thin and full of doubt, he set his own drink aside and slipped down to his knees in front of her. She was hunched forward, her hair covering her face. Dave reached up to brush her hair behind her ear.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

She went still, then looked up to meet his gaze. Her eyes were wet, though he hadn't noticed her crying. "This," she said, and gestured between them. "This," she repeated, holding up her iced tea. "What the hell are we thinking, wanting to bring a child into this God-damned, fucked-up world?"

Dave stared at her. His first thought was that maybe she was pregnant already. He'd heard that pregnancy hormones did things like making women cry and get emotional. Then he shook his head. She and Aaron had had a much worse time of it during this case than the rest of them.

"Emily," he murmured, stroking his thumb gently against her cheek.

"Don't!" she ordered, jerking back from his touch. "Don't treat me as if I'm being irrational. I know what people are capable of, David! I've seen what people are capable of!" She shuddered and squeezed her eyes shut, then abruptly stood up and shoved past him, knocking him half on his ass when her knee bumped his shoulder. She paced over to the drinks cabinet, poured herself a glass of Maker's Mark, and tossed it back in one go.

God, I hope she's not already pregnant, he thought. His next thought was, What the hell happened at that prison?

She poured another and Dave sighed, then walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "Emily, talk to me," he murmured. "Don't do this."

"I don't know how to talk about this," she said. "I just..." She sighed too and leaned back against him. "Dave, we've seen the ugliness in this world. We go face to face with it all the time. How do I justify wanting to bring someone innocent into this ugly world?"

"Because the world isn't ugly," Dave said. "There are ugly people, yes, and ugly acts. But the world itself is beautiful, and you are full of love that you need to share with some wonderful little boy or girl. And I adore you, and I want to raise children with you and grow old with you."

She made a quiet noise and turned her head, burying her face against his neck. "How do we protect them?"

"We just do our best," Dave said. He kissed her head. "Which is all we can ever do."

"I love you," she mumbled. "Have I ever told you that?"

"Not often enough," he teased, tightening his arms around her. "I'll never get tired of hearing that."

***

"Let's go to bed," Spencer said after a while. He tugged at Aaron's hand, but Aaron resisted. Spencer waited, tilting his head to watch him.

Finally Aaron sighed. "I can't be angry if I'm in bed with you."

"You're not angry at me," Spencer said.

"Of course not."

"Then you can be angry if you're in bed with me. But I want to put my arms around you, and it's too awkward standing on one leg that long."

Aaron looked sideways at him, then shook his head. "If Foyet tries to take you--"

Spencer pushed himself to his feet in time to cover Aaron's mouth, even though it hurt his knee to take his weight. "Don't. What Foyet does is his choice. His fault. Not yours. Ever."

Aaron pulled away and rubbed a hand over his face, then leaned down to pick up Spencer's crutch. "Here," he murmured. "Let's go to bed.

Photo motivation

steph.cain@gmail.com — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 00:22:49 GMT

Because I'm getting nowhere on my Big NaNo ComebackTM tonight and the mess in my room is driving me nuts, I am going to clean until 8.

I'll post a set of after shots in 40 minutes.

FIC: Career Suicide, Rossi/Prentiss, PG-13

steph.cain@gmail.com — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:23:34 GMT

Title: Career Suicide
Authors: innerslytherin and severity_softly
Pairing: Rossi/Prentiss
Rating: PG-13
WC: ~5200
Summary: Dave and Emily break the news about their family plans to Ambassador Prentiss.
Notes: Thanks to resolucidity for the beta job!
Series: This is the fifth installment to our Change of Plans series, which is an AU from the What Happens In Vegas universe. Other Change of Plans installments can be found at this tag.

( Career Suicide )

FIC: Life Goes On, Hotch/Reid & Prentiss Rossi, PG

steph.cain@gmail.com — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 02:17:13 GMT

Title: Life Goes On
Pairings: Hotch/Reid, Prentiss/Rossi
Rating: PG
WC: 1414
Summary:Dave and Hotch spend some time over whiskey and cigars, and Reid isn't as oblivious to the world as he seems. Coda to "The Performer".
Notes: Betaed by resolucidity. SPOILERS for "The Performer".

Series: This is part of a series of Season Five episode tags I've been writing.
1. Not So Alone
2. Weeping Endures for a Night
3. The Blink of an Eye
4. Trust and Regret
5. Something Pretty Wonderful
6. Hope and Bourbon
7. Shaking Things Up
8. Cementing

Aaron leaned back in his seat and stared at the ceiling, exhaling smoke. "I still don't entirely understand the appeal of these," he admitted, gesturing idly with the cigar in his hand. "The whiskey I understand."

They'd gone back to Dave's house after getting back to Virginia. Emily had pleaded tiredness and gone to bed, taking Mucci with her. Dave had watched her go, openly ogling her ass now that they weren't on the clock, and it had sent a little burn of affection through Aaron. He was a lucky man. Even if he was still hunting Foyet, even if he still doubted sometimes that he would get his son back...he still had his team.

The team believed in him. The team supported him. Even Morgan had come to him in private earlier and apologized for Lieutenant Kim's reaction to the news that Morgan was in charge, as if it were Morgan's fault. There were still moments where the others looked to Aaron for instruction, rather than Morgan. He knew it would be better for the team--and for Morgan's ego--if the hesitation wasn't there, but he couldn't help feeling gratified by it.

Dave laughed. "If you don't get it, I can't explain it," he said lazily. "But I'm glad you indulge in them occasionally for my sake."

Aaron gave him a look. "It was self-defense," he said. "The only way to stand the smell was to learn to smoke them myself." Haley had always hated the evenings he spent out with Dave. He thought it was at least partly because Haley and Dave didn't get along. But he knew she didn't like him coming home reeking of cigar smoke and alcohol. She'd once made him shower before she would let him get into bed. The second time she'd tried that, he'd slept on the couch all night, and she'd never pressed the issue after that.

Dave let out a long, contented sigh. "Aaron," he said after a while, "I don't talk this way often, but I have something I need to say to you."

Instead of responding verbally, Aaron raised an eyebrow and sipped his whiskey.

"You are by far the best friend I have," Dave said. "And I am grateful that you've stuck by me when not even three wives could do that." He met Aaron's gaze directly, his expression sincere. "I am a lucky man to count you among my friends." He sipped his whiskey. "And it is good to see you laugh again."

Aaron smiled faintly and looked down at the table. "You know I feel the same." He'd never been good at talking about his own feelings; he had learned early to hide them in his family, and he'd gotten used to thinking that his feelings didn't matter as much as the feelings of the people around him. But this was important. "Thank you for standing by me through everything...the divorce, Foyet..." His smile faltered, then strengthened. "Thank you for pushing me at Spencer."

Dave grunted. "He's good for you, Aaron. And you deserve to be happy."

"I'll never be fully happy until I have my son back," Aaron replied. "But I'm as happy as I can be."

"That's all I can ask."

***

"Ick. You taste like cigars." Emily kissed him again anyway, so Dave figured it wasn't an important complaint. Her fingers slid through his hair, pulling him closer.

"I always thought it was part of my appeal."

"Trust me, your appeal involves your wit, your style, your good looks, and your skill in bed," she told him, grinning up at him. "Nothing to do with cigars."

He laughed and kissed her throat. "I love you, Emily Prentiss."

The words still always seemed to make her melt.

***

"You're drunk." Spencer sounded astonished. Aaron knew Spencer had seen him drinking from time to time. For that matter Aaron had told him he had a glass of whiskey in his hand when Foyet showed up. But it was possible that this was the first time Spencer had seen him actually drunk.

"I called a cab," Aaron pointed out. That might have been another thing Haley didn't like about whiskey and cigars with Dave, he reflected. Aaron usually ended up calling a cab and coming home drunk.

"Well, I knew that," Spencer said, slipping an arm around his waist and kissing him. "You taste like whiskey."

"And cigars, I know," Aaron sighed. "Are you going to make me sleep on the couch?"

Spencer raised an eyebrow. "You're lucky I still have a bad knee," he said, "or I'd jump you right now. I have no idea why, but whiskey and cigars are two of the sexiest smells in the world." He kissed Aaron again, then pulled back. "It's possible I always had a thing for Cary Grant."

Aaron laughed. "And here you pretend you know nothing about pop culture."

"That was Fifties pop culture," Spencer replied. "I don't think it counts."

"You've read A Clockwork Orange six times, and you have the DVD sitting on the case right next to Citizen Kane," Aaron accused.

Spencer shrugged. "I just thought I should give Emily the line."

Aaron laughed. "You're such an amazing person," he blurted, then felt his cheeks heat. A moment later he thought, What the hell, and took a deep breath. "I care so much for you. I hope you know that."

It was wonderful to watch Spencer's expression go from amusement to surprise to utter astonishment to something so warm and tender that it made Aaron's throat ache.

"I care for you too," Spencer whispered, brushing his fingers against Aaron's cheek. "You're such a good man, Aaron. So handsome and strong."

Aaron didn't usually feel strong, not since Foyet. But he mostly liked that Spencer still saw him that way. Sometimes it made him feel guilty, since he thought it was a false image. But most of the time he felt that if Spencer thought he was strong, it must make him stronger. "I want to take you to bed," he murmured, brushing his lips against Spencer's.

Spencer smiled widely, a carelessly happy smile that he seemed to reserve for Aaron. "I think that's a good idea," he said. They fumbled for a moment, then Spencer had to pull away. He made a frustrated noise. "I can't wait to get rid of these crutches."

"I can't wait either," Aaron said. They'd been holding off on anything more physical than sleeping next to each other, but he was eagerly anticipating the day he could do more.

"You could play your music for me," Spencer offered. Aaron blinked at him. "You know, the White Album. Dave said it's your favorite."

Aaron rolled his eyes. "Dave was being an ass. I like the Beatles, but Revolver is my favorite of theirs. I actually like U2 and REM better than the Beatles. REM was a local band, actually. I was still in high school when they got their start, but I had a friend who actually lugged sound equipment for them at UGA."

"Oh, so he was just going for the Manson line," Spencer said.

"Of course." Aaron kissed him. "But I wouldn't mind listening to the White Album. It's good music, even if it's not really my favorite."

Spencer laughed. "All right, give me a head start. I'm slower on crutches than you are drunk."

Aaron let him have several minutes because it was nice just sitting on the couch with his head back. After a while he headed upstairs, where he found Spencer starting to settle into bed. Dave had given him an iPod for his birthday--and Aaron still hadn't quite recovered from the irony of technophobic Dave giving him an MP3-player--so he queued up the White Album playlist, then crawled into bed.

Spencer settled into his arms, his head resting comfortably against Aaron's shoulder. It still occasionally astonished Aaron at how well they fit together. They listened to several songs, though Aaron saw Spencer wrinkle his nose during "Glass Onion." At the end of "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da", Spencer sat up. "Wait, he said Desmond! I've read that the Beatles' manager might have had a homosexual relationship with John Lennon, but I never imagined they espoused alternative lifetsyles in their lyrics."

Aaron snorted, and Spencer amended, "Well, alternative lifestyles aside from drugs and Hare Krishna."

"Wait until I introduce you to the sexually ambiguous Michael Stipe," Aaron murmured, then started laughing until Spencer kissed him to shut him up.

Way to go, self

steph.cain@gmail.com — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 01:48:01 GMT

That was so freaking AWESOME, the way you totally FORGOT to sign up for the 2010 medical FSA before the open enrollment period ended. Of course, this wouldn't be such an issue if the Human Resources people actually, say, did their own work instead of making you sign up on the fucking internet, but way to go anyway. Now you'll go another year without seeing the dentist because you won't budget the money if it's not taken out ahead of time, and you'll have to scrimp and save for new contacts, and you'll never know if you can afford to renew your Effexor and Yazmin from one month to the next. You see how fucking AWESOME that is? GO YOU.

Dumbass.

Criminal Minds 5x07

steph.cain@gmail.com — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:05:30 GMT

Dear CM writers,
What episode was I watching again? This reminded me of "Someone's Watching". No, wait, it reminded me of "The Big Game". No, wait, it reminded me of "Blood Hungry". No, wait, it reminded me of "True Night". What episode was this?
Your confused fan,
Innerslytherin

Dear CM Fact-checkers,
Yale is not located in Georgetown. It's located in ~~Cambridge~~ New Haven. IJS.
Your not-so-confused fan,
Innerslytherin

Still, there were good moments. THE LOOK OMG that Dave gave Emily when Garcia mentioned her high school look. The "good choice" from Dave when Morgan said he was sending Prentiss in to interview Dante. The official "I hate LA" statement from Rossi. The look Em gave Dave about drinking whiskey and smoking cigars. Dave ribbing Aaron about the Beatles White Album. Prentiss being a fan of Clockwork Orange.

Bad things:
Hotch said they "had no way of knowing" about the schizophrenia despite the fact that the profile had schizophrenia IN IT?
JJ going into the den of evil despite the way it TOTALLY FIT THE EFFING PROFILE?
Lieutenant Kim's 80s hair?

Also? WTF is the next episode? My preview was the montage with writing on their faces interspersed with an unsub who knows Prentiss' name and a kid and a mom and someone in a pool.

Tonight's wine is a repeat of last week: Arrington Vineyard's Riesling.

Popping up from NaNo

steph.cain@gmail.com — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 02:05:15 GMT

12938 / 50000 words. 26% done!

...to announce a new challenge at the ssa_rossi Rossi-lovers community. Come on, everyone! Let's breathe some life into this comm! :D

Feeling Strangely Fine

steph.cain@gmail.com — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 01:22:19 GMT

I've been bored, so I bought some hair dye today. *G* Nothing drastic, but I did that tonight and have been messing around making icons for mcgarrygirl78.

And an older picture of me for comparison:

FIC: Cementing, Hotch/Reid, Prentiss/Rossi, PG-13

steph.cain@gmail.com — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:55:13 GMT

Title: Cementing
Pairings: Hotch/Reid, Prentiss/Rossi
Rating: PG-13
WC: 1400
Summary: Certain members of the team deal with the changes in their midst. Coda to "The Eyes Have It".
Notes: Betaed by resolucidity and severity_softly. SPOILERS for "The Eyes Have It".

Series: This is part of a series of Season Five episode tags I've been writing.
1. Not So Alone
2. Weeping Endures for a Night
3. The Blink of an Eye
4. Trust and Regret
5. Something Pretty Wonderful
6. Hope and Bourbon
7. Shaking Things Up

"Prentiss said Morgan reprimanded you for going in alone," Spencer said, running his fingers through Aaron's hair.

"Prentiss is a snitch," Aaron said without rancor.

Spencer laughed. "She also said you gave it right back to him. I don't know, Agent Hotchner. You're being insubordinate to the acting unit chief. That could be dangerous."

Aaron hummed and leaned back against him. "I didn't want to lose another life."

"You've reprimanded me for doing the same thing you did today," Spencer pointed out. He wasn't upset, because he knew Aaron was--mostly--on a more even keel than he had been, even if Section Chief Strauss and her superiors had lost faith in him. He also knew that Aaron was still obsessed with finding Foyet, but then again, the entire team wanted to find Foyet.

"I know." Aaron sighed and turned his head to kiss Spencer's neck. "In some ways, it's almost a relief not to be the unit chief anymore."

"It's only temporary," Spencer reminded him.

"Is it?" Aaron's voice was speculative.

Spencer tensed and Aaron sat up, turning to face him. "What's that supposed to mean?" Spencer demanded. "You're our leader. This team would have fallen apart if you'd left us. Aaron, I understand why you stepped down, but it was always with the intention that you would come back once we catch Foyet."

Aaron pressed his lips together and shrugged. "We both know Morgan's doing a good job," he said. "Strauss has mostly left us alone since Prentiss resigned rather than really be a snitch...but this is different. Morgan's a born leader, even if he's occasionally bull-headed and impulsive. This is his testing by fire. He could lead this team permanently, Spencer."

"It won't work," Spencer said. "For one thing, Prentiss has seniority over him in the Bureau even though he's been in this unit longer. She doesn't mind while it's temporary, but I don't think she'd be happy answering to him on a permanent basis." Spencer paused, then admitted, "I wouldn't be happy answering to him on a permanent basis."

Aaron frowned at him. "He's changing, Spencer. You have to have noticed. His wardrobe has changed, he's working longer hours..."

"He's modeling himself after you," Spencer said wryly. "Any of us would, if we were trying to run the team. But he was also dodging Strauss' calls. He isn't a fan of paperwork or chain of command. He answers to you because you're more of an alpha male than he is."

Aaron snorted. "It's all those years of practice I have dealing with Dave. He and Morgan aren't so different. Dave's just had twenty extra years to grow up."

Spencer sighed and tugged Aaron back against him. "You're our leader," he murmured in Aaron's ear. "You can't expect to change that permanently. There's a reason Prentiss resigned instead of snitching on you to Strauss. There's a reason David was willing to work under you when he came back. There's a reason Morgan insisted that this is just temporary. You're a good leader, and we're loyal to you."

"Maybe that's misplaced loyalty," Aaron said, though his breathing had hitched when Spencer's breath hit his ear. Spencer smiled.

They hadn't done more than kiss and touch and sleep next to each other. They were taking it slow and Spencer was fine with that, since his leg didn't permit much athleticism. But he had to admit he was looking forward to getting rid of the crutches. "You know better," he murmured.

Aaron let out a wordless noise and tilted his head, giving Spencer access to his neck. Spencer obligingly kissed, brushing his nose against Aaron's skin. He smelled good, faint traces of aftershave and whatever laundromat did his shirts, along with something else that was uniquely Aaron. It was a clean scent and it never failed to make Spencer realize how lucky he was to have this man in his arms.

"You're special, Aaron," he whispered. "One of these days you'll realize that."

Aaron just turned in his arms and kissed him, and Spencer decided that was enough talking for one night.

***

"You're thinking too much," Emily said, kissing Dave's neck. She was half-dressed and straddling his hips, but even though he was responding to her attention, she could tell his heart wasn't in it.

"Sorry," he said, his voice contrite.

She made a wry face and snuggled down against him, still on top of him but going for comfort instead of arousal. "Don't apologize. Just talk to me."

He sighed and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. "I'm afraid that things are changing too much with the team. Strauss has that gleam in her eye that tells me she's plotting things, and I have a feeling that she wants Morgan to take over permanently as unit chief."

Emily scowled. "I still think you should be acting unit chief while Hotch steps down. And I don't understand why neither of them have explained to the team why they did this. I think it would be easier for the others if they knew."

Dave's arms tightened and he brushed his lips against her cheek. "I didn't want to be acting unit chief," he said. "It would have meant spending more time at work and less time with you."

Oh. He said something else, but Emily was melting at what he'd already said, so she missed it. God. He'd been given the chance to be unit chief and had turned it down? For her? That was something her mother would never have done. In the Prentiss family, you didn't sacrifice career advancement for someone you loved. If that someone loved you back, they were expected to understand. She whimpered softly and kissed Dave's throat.

"God, I love you," she blurted. She didn't even think it through, didn't give herself time to panic. She just said it. It was true and had been true for a long time.

She felt him go still, then he squeezed her gently and rolled them over, leaning in to kiss her. "Emily," he breathed. "Emily."

"I should have said it sooner," she whispered. "I'm sorry I--"

He pressed a fingertip to her lips. "You've said it now. That's all that matters." He kissed her again tenderly.

"I can't believe you would give up the chance to run the unit just for me," she said.

"You're more important to me than my job is," he replied, brushing his lips along her jaw. "You're beautiful and strong and smart." His hand trailed down her stomach, resting lightly against her skin. "I love you and I want you in my life. And I want to give you the family you've always wanted."

Her chest felt tight. She looked at where her left hand rested on his chest, his grandmother's diamond sparkling on her finger. "I never thought I could have this," she admitted in a whisper.

He ducked his head and kissed her slowly. "I know. But you deserve it. You deserve more than I can possibly give you." His fingers stroked her cheek. "You are so wonderful, Emily Prentiss. Thank you for agreeing to be my wife."

Those words always did her in. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down into a heated kiss. They had decided on something small involving a justice of the peace, the team, her mother, and his favorite cousin. They didn't want to make a production of it. They just wanted to be together. Dave had suggested she get married in something red, and Emily liked the idea. They just had to set a date and tell the team.

They traded kisses that gained in heat and urgency, and she could tell Dave was getting into it. When she fumbled with her nightstand to get the condoms, though, he stopped her with a hand on her wrist.

"Not tonight," he murmured.

A funny jolt hit her chest and she stared at him. "Dave, I'm not--"

"Let's skip the birth control from now on," he said, his gaze steady on hers.

She couldn't catch her breath. It was a huge decision to make, and they'd never discussed it beyond Dave's acknowledgment in his proposal that he was willing to give her children. But if he was okay with it, she wasn't going to say no. She nodded and pulled him down against her.

They would worry about that tomorrow.

Home again home again

steph.cain@gmail.com — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 03:13:31 GMT

I'm back from vacation and will try to get some pictures up this week. Of course, that will be complicated by the fact that:

(graphic by fairytaleaddict)

But I'm not totally going on hiatus, just slowing way down.

Autumn pictures

steph.cain@gmail.com — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 02:04:24 GMT

Went hiking with Mom today. Dad rode along and read in the car, and was supposed to pick us up at the other end of the trail. Instead Mom and I ended up hiking twice as far as we meant to because he never showed up and his phone was going right to voicemail without a signal. Oh well, had fun. The modern equivalent of the CCC (I can't remember what they called them this year) has obviously been installing signs, and it was fun to discover all of them. They have history of the park as well as natural features and wildlife. Some of those are pictured behind the cut too.

Shaking Things Up, Rossi/Prentiss, PG

steph.cain@gmail.com — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 01:56:16 GMT

Title: Shaking Things Up
Pairing: Rossi/Prentiss
Rating: PG
WC: 1,553
Summary: Things at the BAU are changing. Hopefully for the better. Coda to Cradle to the Grave.
Notes: Thanks to resolucidity for the beta. SPOILERS for Cradle to the Grave.

Series: This is part of a series of Season Five episode tags I've been writing.
1. Not So Alone
2. Weeping Endures for a Night
3. The Blink of an Eye
4. Trust and Regret
5. Something Pretty Wonderful
6. Hope and Bourbon

God, she wanted one of those.

Dave kept thinking that while he was watching the girl snuggle her baby. Prentiss wanted one of those. He was often aware of it in an abstract sort of way. It was one of the reasons they'd kept their relationship casual, friends-with-benefits, no strings attached...because Dave hadn't been sure he could promise anything more.

It still sort of freaked him out that she wanted one of those and he'd agreed to it.

But the look on her face when Morgan put the baby in that girl's arms...Dave couldn't buy that look with all the money in his bank accounts.

***

"You'll have to take over," Aaron had said. It was late in the evening, when Dave was starting to think about going home to Prentiss' warm, welcoming bed. It wasn't at all the right time of night for Aaron to be dropping bombshells on him.

He sat up straight and glared at his mug for a moment, wondering if he'd been drinking more than tea without realizing it. Then he glared at his best friend.

"You're the only one who can do it, Dave," Aaron continued. His expression made it clear that he knew he was about ten seconds away from an explosion. "Morgan's temper is too short and neither Prentiss nor Reid have the seniority. It has to be Morgan or you, and you're the obvious choice."

"Hell, no!" Dave said. "No. N. O. Never." He glared at Aaron. "I had my fill of running the team with Prima Dona Jason Fucking Gideon on it. Don't make the mistake of thinking I want to run it with Drama Queen Derek Morgan on it either."

"Morgan isn't nearly as bad as Jason was," Aaron protested.

Of course he wasn't, but that also wasn't the point. "Forget it," Dave said. He sighed, then said, "I'm not going to fuck this thing up with Prentiss, Aaron. I can't afford to."

Aaron frowned at him for a moment, but finally sighed. "She is good for you."

"She's the best thing that's ever happened to me," Dave said. He wasn't afraid to admit it. "And I can't fuck that up. She wants babies, Aaron. You know how much that scares me?" He snorted. "But no. I'm not gonna fuck that up. And if I took over the team, it could jeopardize that. So you gotta find someone else."

Aaron sighed again and rubbed his forehead. "Do you really think you could answer to Morgan? He's the only other alternative, unless you want Strauss coming back in."

"Strauss?" Dave snorted. "She's no profiler."

"I know. She's not even a good field agent, honestly. Her talents are in administration and politics." Aaron shook his head. "But she's done all she can."

Did Aaron actually mean to say Erin was batting for their team? That couldn't be right. She and Dave had never gotten along. Then again, Aaron was damned good at his job--better than Dave, when it came down to it. Still, Dave had friends that were higher-placed than Strauss.

"Do you want me to--" Dave began, but Aaron cut him off.

"God, no. Please, Dave." Aaron met his gaze earnestly. "If you can go with the idea of Morgan taking over..."

Dave snorted, but shrugged. "He didn't take the New York field office," he said after a while. "Even when the brass offered it. That tells me he respects your opinion, and it tells me he cares about this team." He paused, thinking about Derek Morgan. "Emily can keep him in line. Maybe."

Aaron laughed. Actually laughed. God, it had been a long time since Dave had seen that. "Maybe she can, maybe she can't. Either way, I think Morgan has a lot of potential. And if he'll allow us to mentor him..."

"You," Dave said. "Not me."

Aaron shook his head. "Us, Dave. If you could see him the way I do..." He laughed again. "He's you, thirty years and three wives ago. If he can just learn from our mistakes..."

Dave sighed. "Damn it. You're always trying to make me act responsible."

Aaron laughed out loud. "And you were just talking about giving Prentiss babies," he teased. "You're going to have to learn about this thing called responsibility if you plan to be a father, David."

"Don't scare me."

Aaron shook his head, still laughing.

"Fine," Dave grumbled. "I'll answer to Derek for two months. No more, no less. Come Christmas, if he's still in charge, I'm telling Strauss where she can stick this department." He paused, then leaned in, holding Aaron's gaze. "And you'll be in the bullpen. Come Christmas, if you haven't gotten off your ass and done something meaningful about Spencer, I'll do something for you."

***

When they got back to Quantico, Dave hung around long enough to hear Aaron ask to see Morgan in his office. Then he left, not bothering to ask Emily about drinks. They'd abandoned their code phrases a couple of weeks after she pointed out they were spending every night together anyway. Now they were just figuring out which house it was on what nights. Most of the time it was his house because it was just easier with Mucci.

Dave glanced at her as he walked out through the bullpen, and she nodded slightly. He nodded back and headed home.

On his dresser was a small cedar box where he kept some of his personal treasures. There were three wedding rings in the box, as well as the keys and keychain from his first car--a Ford Pinto that had somehow escaped being rear-ended--and a sardonyx tie tack he'd been given for graduation. There was also a small gray velvet box that held his Nonna Estrela's diamond wedding set.

He hefted the box in his hand for a moment, his heart pounding. Would she even want it? He could understand if she wouldn't want to wear another woman's ring. He could even understand...maybe...if she didn't want a ring. Marriage hadn't exactly worked out so well for him, after all.

But Prentiss wanted babies, and in Dave's mind that meant she should have a ring first.

He hoped she saw it the same way.

She got home twenty minutes after he did. They rarely left at the same time. It was a token attempt at hiding their relationship, and he didn't really think they'd successfully hidden it, but at least they weren't flaunting it. Of course, if he did this...if she agreed...

He took a deep breath as she called a greeting up the stairs.

"Up here," he called back, and fought the temptation to shove the box in his pocket. You've done this before, Davey. You know it won't kill you, no matter what she says. Of course, that was exactly the problem; he'd done it before. They'd never talked about it, not seriously, and he had no idea how she really felt about marriage, especially as it pertained to him.

She was smiling when she came in and kissed him hello. His arms went around her waist, pulling her close and enjoying the feel of her body against his. The fervor of his kiss must have surprised her, because she made a noise and slipped her fingers into his hair, keeping him close.

"Hello, beautiful," he murmured, and kissed her again.

She laughed against his mouth, then pulled back to smile at him. "What's gotten into you tonight?" she teased, but she was obviously enjoying it. Then again, it wasn't unusual for them to have each other mostly undressed before they'd been home two minutes together.

"Want to talk to you," he murmured, and kissed her again.

"This isn't talking," she replied, and he chuckled.

"You're right. Come here." He took her hand and tugged her over to the window, where an arm chair was positioned perfectly for catching morning light to read the paper. It was growing dark outside, but Dave palmed the velvet box and sat down, pulling her into his lap.

She made a contented noise and snuggled against him, letting her head rest against his shoulder. For all that they were passionate in bed together and enjoyed cooking together, Dave sometimes thought this might be his favorite place to be with her. She made him feel strong and comfortable and trustworthy when they sat like this.

He sucked in a breath and said, "Prentiss, I've been thinking."

She went still in his lap. It wasn't a tense stillness so much as a listening one though. He hoped. After a while she nudged him and he realized he hadn't spoken. "Well, go on," she said. "Did it damage you?"

He managed a laugh. "Damn it all," he muttered, and took her hand in his to turn it palm up. Then he just put the box there.

She stared at it, her eyebrows going up and up while her mouth dropped open. She hadn't wiped her lipstick off, he noticed. "Rossi, is this--"

"You want babies," he interrupted, and then could have kicked himself for how smooth he wasn't being. "And I want you. So I thought we ought to do this right."

She stared at it for a moment longer, then stared at him. "Dave," she breathed.

He didn't flinch. "Marry me."

CM 5x05 Cradle to the Grave

steph.cain@gmail.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:33:41 GMT

Glad to see another killing team. I know, I know, glad isn't the best word. But after reading about the Homolkas I want MORE of this.

I was pissed at Morgan for the entire episode...right up until the end. And then he made me cry. Well, him and Hotch's little smile at the end. Rowr.

And did y'all see that LOOK between Dave and Em?

OMG you guys, the fic is WRITING ITSELF tonight. Even with all the wine I've consumed.

Tonight's wine: A little more Mallow Run Traminette than was really necessary. Or possibly wise on a work night.

Criminal Minds tomfoolery

steph.cain@gmail.com — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 23:25:23 GMT

The REAL reason Hotch and Morgan look like they're going to have a throwdown in the trailers for tonight's ep:

Hotch found out it was MORGAN Haley was cheating with! (While Dave hangs out in the corner and laughs, 'cause hey, he's been there before. And before. And before. *cough*)

Took some fall pictures today

steph.cain@gmail.com — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 23:52:26 GMT

Dad bought Mom a Nikon digital SLR last weekend, and we've been playing with it since then. Especially since we're going to Franklin & Nashville in a couple of weeks, we want to make sure we know how to use it. (Not that I won't take my camera too, but still). So today we went out and took some autumn foliage pictures, and also went to the Darlington covered bridge, where I took a few shots I really like.

You really need to click the thumbnails to see why I like the second and third pictures. :)

Shakespeare meme

steph.cain@gmail.com — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 04:19:14 GMT

Stolen from wojelah:

One of my favorite monologues (tied with the To-be-or-not-to-be speech):

The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice.

-- The Merchant of Venice

My favorite sonnet:

Sonnet CXVI

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

It's so rare that I can stay up late on a week-night! Hurrah for late-morning doctor appointments. LOL

FIC: Hope and Bourbon, Prentiss/Rossi & Hotch/Reid, PG

steph.cain@gmail.com — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 21:51:59 GMT

Title: Hope and Bourbon
Pairings: Prentiss/Rossi, Hotch/Reid
Rating: PG
WC: 2620
Summary: Dave and Emily help Aaron at a turning point. Coda to Hopeless - SPOILERS.
Notes: Scripture quoted is from Romans 12:19-21. Betaed by resolucidity and severity_softly.
Series:
Series: This is part of a series of Season Five episode tags I've been writing.
1. Not So Alone
2. Weeping Endures for a Night
3. The Blink of an Eye
4. Trust and Regret
5. Something Pretty Wonderful

The whiskey was a gamble.

It wasn't that Dave thought Aaron would be surprised to see a bottle of Eagle Rare bourbon show up in his office. It was more that bringing Emily in on the whole thing was a gamble. But Dave had adopted, since their last case, a policy of including Emily on a lot of things he wouldn't normally.

She still hadn't said the words back, but he knew she hadn't forgotten about his declaration of love in the middle of the bullpen. He could be patient as far as hearing the words went. So since she'd learned about Emma, he was doing his best to show Emily that he wasn't keeping secrets from her.

The truth was, he'd walked away from Commack, Long Island, a long time ago. He'd put it behind him, and he'd never planned to go back. He hadn't even thought about Emma for years, aside from the shock of her death. It had been pure bad luck that Emily had been there when he'd been forced to deal with his past.

He hadn't missed the way she'd been with him during the whole case, though. She'd thrown her support behind him and had trusted his reaction to Aaron walking away from the standoff. There'd been no hesitation, no questioning...just pure trust.

It still seemed like a miracle that she gave him that.

So okay, the whiskey was a gamble.

But even the late-night talk between Spencer and Aaron hadn't seemed to produce the results Dave was looking for. It wasn't that he thought Aaron would suddenly magically be fixed. He wasn't looking for an end to the grief and frustration Aaron felt over Foyet's holding his son's childhood hostage. He just wanted a lessening of Aaron's load. He wanted someone to shoulder some of that burden--

No. He wanted Aaron to let someone shoulder some of that burden. He wanted to see evidence in his best friend's demeanor that he trusted Spencer. Not the sort of trust they all had in Spencer. The sort of trust that meant Aaron believed in what Spencer felt for him. The sort of trust that meant Aaron was embracing the idea of having a helpmeet, someone who wasn't his high-school sweetheart, but who was capable of standing next to him to meet the demands of their lives.

He wanted, in short, to see his oldest friend take a deep breath and smile again.

So far he hadn't seen that. So, the whiskey.

***

She'd thought Dave was crazy.

She wouldn't have said so for the world, of course, particularly after the touching faith he had shown in Hotch. She'd looked to Dave for cues at the standoff and liked the way he believed in their unit chief. More than any other indicator of Hotch's mental and emotional well-being, she depended on Dave to be her barometer.

Still, she'd thought that pulling a hidden bottle of bourbon out of his desk drawer was a bit much. She'd loved the feeling of badass, unshakeable unity that had developed between the three of them as they walked away from the standoff. She just hadn't expected it to last long enough to excuse a contraband bottle of whiskey.

Clearly she didn't know her unit chief as well as Dave, not that that was a surprise in any way.

She'd been standing in Dave's office, about to ask if he wanted to buy her a drink, when he opened his desk drawer.

"Buy you a drink?" he'd asked, and grinned at her as he held up the bottle.

"Dave!" She'd stared in shock, but she couldn't help being thrilled that David Rossi was still a rule-breaker. He had settled down a lot, but he hadn't lost the bad-boy edge that drew her to him, even if she knew damn well he was a good guy underneath.

His grin widened. "I think someone else is in need of a drink. And we'd better get started before Reid gets here, or we won't have any time with him at all."

She'd raised her eyebrows, then shrugged. "I'm in." Reid and JJ wouldn't be back from the station for at least half an hour, and she thought Dave was crazy, but she was never one to turn down a glass of good bourbon.

He'd sent her to get glasses from the kitchenette, and less than three minutes later they were walking into Hotch's office.

Dave didn't even hesitate--didn't even knock. He just walked in, and Emily took her cue from him and followed. Dave held out the glasses, and Hotch didn't hesitate either. He reached out and accepted a glass, then held it up for Dave to pour.

It had sent a tiny thrill through Emily, the thought that she'd somehow been accepted to the true inner sanctum. Hotch was accepting her, not as a team member, or even as one of the boys, but as a true drinking partner.

There might not be a difference in anyone else's perception, but there was to her.

Of course, she still thought Dave was crazy. There were just advantages to having people around that were as crazy as you.

***

Spencer had felt mostly useless for most of the case.

Sure, he was used to being the brainiac on the team. Someone wanted a fact or statistic, they always came to him. He knew his strengths were in thinking and talking, not running or shooting. All the same, he'd felt particularly useless on this case.

He'd seen that Morgan was off his game, but he'd been unable to get through to him. He'd known Garcia was upset, but she still wasn't talking to him on a personal level, despite the fifty dollar gift card he'd bought her for MP3 downloads. And Dave and Emily were absent for most of the case.

Somehow Spencer had expected things to be different after he told Aaron that he needed him. And things had been different, to an extent. Aaron had called him in the middle of the night twice now, both times after nightmares, and Spencer had talked to him about the Impressionist school of painting or the history of agriculture in California until Aaron's breathing had steadied out over the phone line. Aaron had brought coffee and bagels in for both of them on three occasions. He'd even remembered that Spencer liked jelly on his bagels instead of cream cheese.

But there hadn't been passionate declarations or heated kisses. There had barely been any physical connection at all. It was maddening, especially when Spencer had wanted for years to press his solid, handsome superior against the nearest wall and kiss him breathless.

Of course, Spencer wasn't exactly in the best physical condition to be pushing anyone against anything. It was possible that Aaron was biding his time. Spencer hoped that was the case. He couldn't think of what it might be otherwise.

It hadn't been a good ending to the case, but at least Spencer knew that the team had walked away from it. Led by Aaron, they had left vengeance to the local police. It was good to know that, since he also knew how obsessed Aaron was with finding Foyet and reclaiming his life. He'd suspected Aaron was tempted by the thought of vengeance, and it was reassuring to know that he could walk away. He still wanted to get back to the office so he could see with his own eyes that Aaron was okay.

He really hadn't expected to get to the bullpen and hear laughter coming from Aaron's office.

***

There had been a moment where Aaron looked at Detective Andrews and saw, with painful clarity, what could happen to himself. He saw the anger and frustration, and he recognized them. He saw the helpless fury and the guilt, the knowledge that he was supposed to protect people, and he couldn't protect people from these animals. He knew those emotions. He'd been experiencing them for the past two months since his son was taken into protective custody.

He had driven himself all through his physical therapy with thoughts of catching and punishing Foyet. He had prepared himself to return to work by swearing he would have vengeance. He had forced himself to stay in his violated apartment with a refusal to let Foyet have the little victories.

In the meantime he'd forgotten about the big victories that Foyet was really after.

Foyet had taken Aaron's sense of security. He had taken his family. He had taken his health and strength, albeit temporarily. He also wanted to take Aaron's joy, his confidence in the profile, his conviction that Aaron Hotchner had no authority to make deals with the devil. Even in the name of vengeance. I'm the guy who hunts guys like you, he had told Foyet.

Not punish. Not kill. Hunt. It was Aaron's job to catch Foyet. It was someone else's job to punish him. That was the essence of the justice system. More than that, it was the healthy way to do it.

"Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord," Aaron murmured, staring into his glass. It was the second glass, and he'd already realized he was going to have to share a cab home with Dave or Prentiss. He didn't care. It was worth it to have this companionship with them, to feel this connected. The only thing he really missed right now was Spencer's presence.

Dave shifted in his seat, but it was Emily who spoke. "Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." Her voice was low and husky, and the way she looked at him actually made him shiver. She believed in him. It was the sort of confidence he had lost in himself, but Emily still had it. Dave still had it.

And, miracle of miracles, Spencer still had it.

There was a clatter of metal against wood, then someone knocked on the open door. "Is this a private party?" Spencer asked.

Emily and Dave turned, smiling at him, and he smiled back, but his gaze was on Aaron's.

"Actually," Aaron said, standing up and finishing his drink, "I was just thinking I should head home. Would you like to share a cab?"

***

Emily hadn't had as much bourbon as Dave had; she was fine to drive. He gave her the keys to the Bentley and watched her adjust the seat, stroking the leather lovingly. He occasionally thought she got revved up just by driving his car. It was why he'd started driving that more often than the truck these days. That, and he liked the way she looked with her dark hair against the pale leather. They hadn't broken in the back seat, but the way she was looking at him, he had a feeling he and the Bentley both might get lucky tonight.

***

"Do you still have a ready bag here?" Aaron's voice was quiet despite the emptiness of the bullpen. Spencer looked up from his desk in surprise, then nodded.

"I don't really want to share a cab," Aaron said. "Or...I do, but I want to share it to my place." He looked oddly nervous, and Spencer couldn't help but be charmed. "I'd like you to stay with me, Spencer."

Spencer smiled broadly at him. "I'd like that," he said. Aaron held out his hand to take Spencer's bag. They went down to wait for the cab, Spencer feeling twitchy with nerves, but excited.

"I don't know what I'm ready for," Aaron murmured, his gaze steady on Spencer's. "But I want you near me." He paused, then added, "You bring me strength."

Spencer felt like he might light up with happiness, but he just curled his fingers briefly around Aaron's wrist. "I'm glad," he murmured.

The cab ride was silent, just two colleagues sharing a cab. Aside from that one touch, they didn't make contact. They didn't make conversation either, but Spencer wasn't unhappy about it. He felt comfortable being quiet with Aaron. There was no need to force conversation.

When they got to Aaron's apartment, Spencer was shocked at the amount of security Aaron had installed. For the hundredth time it hit home with him how unsafe Aaron must have been feeling since the attack.

They sat on the couch with bourbon and didn't talk for a long time. Finally Aaron said, "I've been afraid. Not of what's between us..." He trailed off and shook his head. "I've been afraid of what's inside me. The darkness of my anger and fear and thirst for vengeance. I wanted Foyet dead. I still want him dead."

Spencer opened his mouth, but Aaron raised a hand without looking at him.

"I want him dead, but this case made me realize that I am not the one who should kill him. When you take a life in the line of duty, that's one thing. It's necessary and horrible, but you're not to blame. When you take a life in vengeance..." He shook his head. "I won't become Judge Schuller. I'm supposed to hunt and catch Foyet. The justice system is supposed to try and execute him."

Spencer reached out and curled his fingers around Aaron's. "You're a good man, Aaron," he said quietly. "You've had a lot to deal with, but you've never stopped being a good man."

Aaron gripped his hand tightly but lifted his glass and drained it in a long gulp. "I let Darrin Call kill his father. I thought the Hollow Creek Killer should be brought to justice. It seemed simpler to let him pull the trigger." His voice was hoarse.

Spencer tightened his fingers on Aaron's. "You couldn't stop him in time," he said quietly. "You were still recovering, and maybe you came back to work too soon, but you did your best, and you saved Darrin Call." He leaned forward, turning to meet Aaron's gaze. "And you're back. You're on your game, and you're our unit chief."

Aaron's expression crumbled. "How can you have such faith in me?" he asked. He wrapped his arms around Spencer and pulled him close. Spencer got one arm around him, the other trapped between them.

"You've always given me reason to have faith in you," he whispered. "You've never let me down."

"I let people down all the time."

Spencer shook his head, but instead of speaking he just pulled back and covered Aaron's lips with his own.

It was their first kiss, and it was more wonderful and exciting and terrifying than Spencer could have imagined. Aaron melted into the kiss, surrendering control to Spencer, who wasn't sure he wanted it. But he worked his other arm free and stroked his fingers through Aaron's hair as they kissed. Aaron let out a small sigh and opened his mouth to him, and their tongues brushed lightly, then more passionately. Spencer moaned and pulled Aaron closer, and then his knee wrenched and he let out a noise that was much closer to a whimper.

Aaron pulled back, wide-eyed and breathing hard. "I hurt you," he said.

"My knee twinged," Spencer said. "I just need to shift around a little. I want to do that again."

Aaron lifted a hand and brushed his knuckles gently against Spencer's cheek. "I don't know how I got lucky enough to have you," he whispered. "But I need you too, Spencer. I wanted to tell you that."

And that was better than all the kisses in the world.

Thank you!

steph.cain@gmail.com — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 22:28:39 GMT

I wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the birthday wishes and gifts and love! hhhellcat and aoibhe sent me e-cards and darkhawkhealer sent me a card and CDs in the mail and severity_softly sent me How to be a Serial Killer on DVD HURRAH! I also got comments and messages from all sorts of wonderful people, and fic from luckinfovely! THANK YOU ALL! My friends are awesome!

Thank you!

steph.cain@gmail.com — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 22:28:37 GMT

FIC: Something Pretty Wonderful, Hotch/Reid, PG

steph.cain@gmail.com — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 22:09:05 GMT

Title: Something Pretty Wonderful
Pairings: Hotch/Reid
Rating: PG
WC: 904
Summary: Aaron's office after the case in Commack, New Jersey. Tag to "Reckoner". SPOILERS.
Notes: Betaed by resolucidity and severity_softly.
Series:
1. Not So Alone
2. Weeping Endures for a Night
3. The Blink of an Eye
4. Trust and Regret

"Could I see you in my office before you go?"

Spencer had enjoyed visiting with his godson and Will, but he was frustrated with how wrong everything felt with the team. He had given up for the night and was about to head home when he heard Aaron's voice. He looked up, wondering if he was going to be yelled at for lying about his travel status. After a moment he nodded and gathered his crutches. As he went past Dave's office, he saw an approving look on Dave's face, and it gave him a funny warmth in the pit of his stomach. Maybe he wasn't such a failure in Dave's eyes.

He paused in the doorway of Aaron's office and then said, "Hi."

Aaron was standing by the window, looking out at the rain, but he turned when Spencer came in. "You didn't have to drop everything."

Spencer had gotten pretty good at shrugging without falling over on the crutches. "I was just finishing something up."

Aaron nodded, his expression thoughtful. Then he smiled faintly. "Do you like tea?" he asked.

Spencer preferred coffee, but only because of the caffeine content. "Sure," he said, moving further into the office.

"Sit down," Aaron offered. "I'll be right back." He went out, leaving Spencer to wonder what was going on. People had helped him with things more often lately, when he had trouble managing the crutches, but this was weird.

He nudged a chair closer to the desk, then sat down, arranging his crutches close at hand. A minute later Aaron came back carrying two mugs. "I brought the sugar packets too," he said, offering Spencer a faint smile. He set a mug in front of Spencer along with a handful of sugar packets, then went around his desk to sit down.

Spencer murmured his thanks and then they were silent for a moment as Spencer added sugar and dipped the tea bag a few times. As the silence between them stretched, Spencer unexpectedly found his shoulders relaxing, his breathing deepening. After a while he realized why this seemed familiar. Often after cases Dave could be found in just this position, sitting in one of Aaron's guest chairs and sipping tea.

Involuntarily he glanced out the window at the bullpen and saw Dave talking to Emily, who looked skittish and unhappy. After a moment, though, Dave held out a hand. Emily closed her eyes, then opened them and reached out to take it. Spencer smiled and looked down at his tea. Maybe things weren't going to be as bad as he'd feared.

"What?" Aaron murmured. Spencer looked up and found his superior's gaze on him.

Spencer shrugged. "Dave and Emily," he said. It would be enough of an explanation. They all knew, even if Aaron had opted out of the office pool on the diamond.

Aaron smiled ruefully. "This wasn't an easy case for either of them."

Spencer nodded. He'd only gotten a little bit of the story from Morgan, but it was enough. Morgan had been pissed at Dave; he'd actually believed Dave had slept with the judge's wife. Spencer knew better. Dave might be divorced, but he believed in marriage, and Spencer was pretty sure that meant Dave wouldn't want to jeopardize someone else's marriage.

"I didn't realize he had friends in organized crime," Spencer said.

Aaron laughed. "Dave knows people everywhere," he said. "He has a talent for pissing people off but still making them loyal to him somehow."

Spencer gave him a wry grin. "He's not the only one."

The amusement faded from Aaron's face. "You lied to me, Spencer," he said. "I couldn't let you fly with us."

"You've done the same thing yourself," Spencer said, stung. "We all knew you weren't ready to come back to work after--"

"Don't," Aaron said in a tight voice.

"--after New York," Spencer continued. "But we let you do it. We knew you needed to be back with your family."

Aaron was staring at him. Spencer knew he'd expected Spencer to say Foyet, but Spencer was thinking of the way Aaron had nearly lost his hearing while they were chasing the Angel Maker's ghost.

"My family." Aaron's voice still sounded like it hurt him to talk.

"Us," Spencer clarified. "The team. This is your family." He paused. "And you're our family. You and Jack. And we'll do anything we have to do to protect you both."

Aaron shook his head, but Spencer had blinked once, and he had regretted it for the past two months. He wouldn't make the same mistake again. He wouldn't let Aaron pull away from the connection they shared. It was too important, too necessary, for either of them to let go.

"We need you," Spencer said. "I need you." He swallowed. "And I have to make sure you know that."

Aaron looked down. "I was starting to think..." he whispered. He shook his head. "Spencer, we..."

"You didn't care about Dave and Emily."

"I'm different. I'm the unit chief. It would be--"

"If you say inappropriate, I'm throwing something at you," Spencer interrupted.

Aaron stared at him, his mouth open. Then he started laughing quietly and kept laughing until he had to lean back in his chair. He propped his head on one hand and looked at Spencer with open warmth in his eyes.

"Dave was right," he murmured. "I do have something pretty wonderful."

FIC: Something Pretty Wonderful, Hotch/Reid, PG

steph.cain@gmail.com — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 22:09:03 GMT

FIC: Trust and Regret, Rossi/Prentiss and Hotch/Reid, PG

steph.cain@gmail.com — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 00:57:54 GMT

Title: Trust and Regret
Rating: PG
Pairings: Rossi/Prentiss, Hotch/Reid
WC: 1717
Summary: Commack, Long Island, isn't a good experience for anyone. Tag to "Reckoner".
Notes: Thanks to resolucidity for the fast beta. SPOILERS for 5x03. This is a sequel to my fics Not So Alone, Weeping Endures for a Night, and The Blink of an Eye.

Emily had never heard of Emma Louise Schuler. She couldn't say she liked hearing about her for the first time in front of the entire team and a Long Island detective, either. She focused on the case, on getting Garcia to run financial records on Judge Schuler, but for the first time in her life she thought she had an idea of how other people felt when they had to keep working while emotions raged through them.

She hated it. If this was what emotions got her, she'd take compartmentalization any day. Damn David Rossi, anyway.

***

Of course he'd lied. It had been the only way to stay near Aaron, and that was all Spencer wanted. It had helped that the entire team knew damn well Aaron had done the same thing back when they were working the Angel Maker case. Aaron couldn't exactly punish him for clearing himself to fly.

Well, he could, but the worst he could do was leave Spencer behind, and Garcia was mostly good company, except for her incredible territorial behavior regarding her computers. It was almost ironic as he thought back to a case they'd had to leave Gideon behind, and Garcia had ended up with an iPod and flowers to thank her for putting up with Gideon. Somehow Spencer thought he was doing even worse than Gideon did. But he had to be there for the video calls. He had to see Aaron. He had to know how he was doing.

***

The lie about Emma had been a bad idea. Dave had known it even as the words poured out of his mouth. He knew Emily was just on the other side of the glass, and he'd known Aaron was there too. Aaron wouldn't believe it, but he wouldn't tell Emily, and Emily wouldn't ask. And Dave would be in a shitload of trouble when he got home.

Damn Spencer Reid for not getting himself properly cleared to fly, anyway. That was the only reason Dave had had to come along on this case.

Dave didn't even know what was going on with Aaron any more. He could understand Aaron being hung up over missing Jack's fourth birthday. But the way he was worried about Haley when she was doing everything she could to fuck up the federal government's efforts to keep her and Jack safe... Well, Dave couldn't stand it. That was the real reason he'd reminded Aaron about the pure things in life. Haley wasn't pure, and they both knew it.

Of course, Dave wasn't sure he had any room to talk, but Jack was pure, and Spencer's feelings for Aaron were pure, if Aaron would ever see them.

***

More than anything, it was the fact that Dave hadn't cared about Emma's marriage that hurt her. She'd spent too many years watching her father sneaking around behind her mother's back. She'd seen what her mother made of herself in response. Emily Prentiss wouldn't be that woman. And if Dave couldn't respect marriage vows, even from the outside, she had no place for him in her life.

So she focused on JJ during the flight home. She got her best friend tea whenever she needed it, and held her hand when she thought it was necessary, and let JJ snuggle against her shoulder to go to sleep. She concentrated on the fact that JJ would need her at least until Emily got her home to her fiancé and son. She'd worry about the rest of it later.

She knew Dave and Hotch were sitting together, and she selfishly hoped Hotch could help Dave deal with his guilt over getting Ray Finnegan killed. She knew that was supposed to be her job, but she wasn't sure if she could deal with Dave asking things of her. Not after what she'd heard today.

She'd guarded herself so carefully for years, afraid to trust anyone, afraid to fall for anyone. And then she'd met Dave, and she couldn't resist his magnetism or the frank, friendly way he'd gotten her to trust him. But she still guarded her heart, because he'd been married three times and divorced three times. He wasn't exactly the sort of guy she could afford to take a risk on.

But she'd lost herself anyway, bit by bit, until they were both forced to admit what they both already knew--this relationship did mean something. It meant a lot. Emily was head over heels in love with him.

And no matter how she tried, she couldn't stop feeling betrayed by the fact that she'd never heard of Emma Schuler, but Dave had obviously loved the woman all his life.

***

Aaron knew what Dave was trying to say, and he didn't think it was fair, for a couple of reasons. First of all the way Dave was hung up on Emma seemed a disservice to Emily, and while Aaron knew he should be discouraging that relationship in the interests of team stability, he couldn't help but see how good they were together. Emily liked Dave's books, but she was used to hanging out with all kinds of foreign dignitaries, so she wasn't overawed by his fame. And Dave was obviously drawn to that as well as to Emily's brains and beauty.

But it wasn't just that. Aaron's marriage was over. And if Dave was trying to urge him to reconcile with Haley...it wasn't going to happen. He had forgiven her for cheating on him. How could he not? She'd needed someone to be there for her, and he hadn't done that. But he didn't think he would ever be able to trust her again. Not to mention that she would demand he leave the BAU, and he'd tried that. Even knowing the team was capable of running without him...he wasn't capable of running without the team. He needed this, and he'd thought Dave would understand that.

Besides, Aaron could never reconcile with Haley when he'd come to look at another man the way he looked at Spencer Reid.

There was nothing there, of course, and there couldn't be. But Aaron had never even looked at anyone else during the whole of his marriage with Haley. The thought had never crossed his mind. Once he'd been allowed to look, he'd realized that he'd been suppressing an attraction to Spencer for years. It wouldn't be fair to Haley for Aaron to try to recreate a relationship with her now that he'd acknowledged that attraction to someone else.

"Dave," he said quietly, and his friend looked up from the locket he was still holding. "Emily is still alive. Don't waste your time regretting might-have-beens when you have something wonderful right now."

Dave's eyes widened, then he looked back down at the locket. After a moment he closed it and held it out. Aaron hesitated, then took it. "Thanks," Dave said gruffly. "And Aaron, you have something pretty wonderful being offered to you. Don't overlook it."

It surprised him, but it shouldn't. After all, Dave knew him better than anyone. Aaron shook his head. "It would be inappropriate."

"No one here would care. This team wants you to be happy." Dave leaned forward. "Trust me on this."

Aaron held his gaze for a while, then nodded slowly.

***

When they got to the bullpen, Emily was almost disappointed to see Will sitting in her chair and talking to Spencer. Henry was bouncing in Spencer's lap, looking perfectly happy to be there. Emily told herself it was good that Spencer had called Will. She just wished she still had some responsibility so she didn't have to face Dave.

Part of her felt guilty for reducing it to that. Hotch had missed his son's birthday. JJ had ended up covered in someone else's blood and had to throw away her shirt and have blood drawn for testing. Dave had seen one of his childhood best friends killed on this case. It didn't matter what Ray Finnegan was. What mattered was who he was, and that was Dave's old friend. Emily felt petty for even caring about her romance when Dave had to be hurting. When everyone was hurting.

But she was hurting too, and for once in her life she couldn't push the pain into a box to deal with it later. She said goodbye to JJ and her family and settled down to try to do some paperwork, but she had a hard time focusing on it. After a while she just rested her forehead in her hand and closed her eyes.

"Hey." She started and looked up. Dave was standing by her desk, his expression unreadable. "Buy you a drink?"

It was their standard euphemism for spending the night together, but she didn't feel like it tonight. She didn't feel like going home alone, either, but it seemed preferable to deal with this. "I don't know," she began, but Dave interrupted.

"Please." His voice was quiet but urgent, and suddenly she recognized the expression as the one he wore when he was pleading but was trying to protect himself.

She bit her lip, then nodded. It only took a moment to shut her computer down. It was only when she turned to tell Reid and Morgan she was leaving that she noticed everyone else was gone. She frowned. She hadn't seen them go.

"Spencer's in Aaron's office," Dave offered after a moment. She turned her head to stare at him and he chuckled. "I know."

She licked her lips, then shook her head. "Dave, I don't know what..."

"I didn't sleep with Emma Schuler," Dave said. "I invented that entire encounter. I just wanted to get the truth from him." His gaze was steady on hers. He reached out a hand, waiting for her to take it. "Emily, I love you. Please come home with me."

Her mouth fell open and she just stared at him. He'd said it so simply, right in the middle of the bullpen. It didn't matter that no one else was around. It was still their place of work. His gaze didn't leave her face. She closed her eyes for a moment.

Could she do this? Could she open herself further to being hurt? Could she trust him?

Could she not?

She opened her eyes and took his hand.